Giving Thanks

I had every intention of doing a Thanksgiving day post but got so caught up in spending time with my parents and my cousin, Chrissy, and her family last week – the latter I had never before met.  We had a lovely week and as evidenced by the picture, Chrissy made a really beautiful Thanksgiving dinner.  Then I had to plow back into work this week to get caught up.  The post somehow got lost in the priorities.

Better late than never 🙂

I have had so much going on recently, I was going to post an update for all of my lovely readers, but I’ve decided to phrase the update a little differently.

Unfortunately I’m late with this post and Thanksgiving is over, but I think the holidays in general make us reflect on what we have to be grateful for, what we have accomplished, and what we have to look forward to in the New Year.  I always say every day is the start to a New Year.

So what I’d like to do with this post is tell you everything I am currently very thankful for in my life.  I hope you will use the comments section to tell me what you are thankful for this holiday season, or in general.

1) I’m so thankful in this crazy economy to have a regular income, wholesome food to eat, and a roof over my head, in Manhattan no less.

Me with cousin Chrissie and her dog, Abby

2) I’m thankful for supportive family and friends who cheer me on no matter what I try to accomplish.  Even my super cute puppy dog who gives me unconditional love.

3) I am thankful for my FIRST PAIN FREE ballet classes in weeks and that my shoulder injury is on the mend!  Back to life as usual.  But still, I’m thankful for the injury in a weird way.  It taught me that in the face of constraints, I can find things to work on.  I started really working on my core and going to Pilates and it’s been extremely helpful.

4) I am thankful, regardless of how insecure I am at times about my technique, that I can dance and for the physical facilities that I was blessed with in this life.

5) I am thankful for my INTERNSHIP WITH COMPANY XIV!  That’s right, I’m the box office intern this season for their show Snow White.  I bugged and bugged and bugged and bugged them and finally they got sick of getting emails from me!  🙂 I recommend you check out the show.  I’m hopeful that this will help me get to know the company members better and lead to future work that involves DANCING.

the storage room – there are more shoes than this!

6) I am thankful for my first day of shoe modeling with Nine West in over a year.  I’m finally back in the modeling game!

7) I’m thankful for the hours I am going to spend this week working on rehearsing my first solo work in awhile.  I’m hoping to be able to post a teaser video for you here to see.  Stay tuned.  It is so close to being done and I’m grateful that I’ve healed and I can go full force this New Year into my own work.

8) I am thankful that I am back in voice lessons and finally working on songs in earnest in anticipation of the Jacobs Pillow auditions this January.  Voice lessons are once to twice a week.   Practice is every day 🙂

9) I’m thankful for Ishita, my life and career coach, who is helping me build my brand as a solo performer.  Official launch soon to come.  Check out her online magazine, Fear.less, whenever you find yourself needing a good dose of I’m-going-to-conquer-the-world-and-eat-it-with-a-spoon attitude.

10) I’m thankful for all of you – my readers – who check out my blog and are inspired by it (I hope) or even just get a good laugh at my weird musings.

I think that’s enough for now.  It’s a whole lot to be thankful for though.

I’ve spent a lot of time in the past obsessing over what I didn’t have.  I played the compare game a lot.  I worried endlessly that I was too old, didn’t have the best turnout, enough money, started too late, just wasn’t good enough at anything, had the wrong hair color/eye color/skin color, wasn’t flexible enough, wasn’t worth it – you name it.  It’s a constant battle every day to overcome these thoughts and feelings.  And I’m fairly certain I’m not the only person on the planet suffering from this condition.

These auditions have been a reality check, for sure.  I’ve got my work cut out for me.  I don’t know where this journey is taking me.  But over the last few months I’ve realized something: I’m going to want to dance and choreograph despite my perceived limitations and challenges, so how would it serve me to beat myself up or to stop because I’m too discouraged?  It doesn’t.  Not only that, but it doesn’t allow me to see the great arsenal that I do have at my disposal and where that could possibly lead me in my career.

We see a dancer with lovely extensions and think “oh why can’t I have that?”  or another one who is really good at turning and think “why can’t I turn that many times?”  We completely forget that we have assets of our own.  You might not have insane turnout, but if you did, perhaps you wouldn’t be able to execute fantastic and powerful jumps.  Maybe you struggle with small, quick steps, but when doing long, slow movements you can balance for decades.  I’ve seen dancers with very little actual “technique” in a sense, but for some reason I can’t take my eyes off of them.  They are just interesting to watch.

So, I’m done.  It’s going to take constant work but I’m done with those thoughts and worries.  I’m done walking into an audition and worrying about how young/old/experienced/in-experienced I am.  I’m done obsessing over anything except obtaining my personal best.  It’s self-defeating and I hope you will join me in being done too if you aren’t already.

This has been a very round-about post, but tell me what you’re thankful for and what you have to appreciate about yourself and your life, and in those around you.  Focus on that for a second.  Even if it’s your crappy day job – you have one!   Leave me comments.  Let yourself focus on the things that make you who you are, because the truth is you’re pretty great.  And I think the world needs you.

Next audition is Monday.  I’m pumped.

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3 thoughts on “Giving Thanks

  1. I so second all of your thoughts about 24 years of resistance. Unfortunately, my resistance lasted a little longer. I am grateful to have read your blog which finally got me off my rear to start the one I’ve been planning for years, but didn’t know how to start, so thank you!

  2. Very great post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I will be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again very soon!

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