I know you all have missed me, and I have excuses but no good reason for the hiatus.
Here is one of them.
For all of you who were reading my last audition post, I mentioned that there had been something distracting me that kept me quiet for a little while. Well, I’m ready to introduce the distraction. His name is Blanton:
I was totally those suckers who walked by the pet store window that just so happened to have my dream puppy on sale. The store that normally only carries toy breeds by some stroke of bad luck had a beautiful golden retriever in the window. I agonized over it for a few days and finally caved. He has been an amazing addition to the family and a wonderful cuddle bug to come home to. But as if I didn’t have enough to worry about, now I’ve got house training a doggy :-/.
Aside from that, I have been slacking a little bit. I did get about 2 weeks ahead from my week of three chorus calls in a row. I also got really burnt out. I have been off the circuit for awhile and realized that this truly is really a full time job. Now I’ve fallen behind in my schedule.
I was registered to go on an audition for the Mark Morris Dance Company last Sunday. And I failed.
There were several reasons why I failed. One of them was that the audition was at 10 am in Brooklyn and I continuously work 6 days in a row, usually pulling 12 hour days at a minimum, waking up at 7:30 am. And I am NOT a morning person. I desperately wanted a day to sleep in.
The other reason I failed: I chickened out.
Especially after the Mystic Ballet audition, I became painfully aware of how much more training I have to do. I really didn’t feel ready for Mark Morris. And it got me thinking about this saying we had in college called, “Done is better than good.”
Whenever midterms rolled around and everyone was stressed to the nines and nearly to the point of breaking from the obscene workload, we would always give them the reminder “Hey, done is better than good!” It was a way of saying that as long as the work was finished, it didn’t have to be perfect. Just get it done.
Sometimes you just need to get the project out the door, whatever it is. Put perfectionism aside and just get it out into the world. Sometimes I do need to push myself to just get to that audition even if I think it’s going to suck, even when my insecurities are getting the best of me.
Then I got to thinking: Instead of beating myself up for not just going to the audition and sucking it up and probably feeling horrible and incompetent and even more insecure, maybe I just need more practice at auditions before I take on the big leagues.
Maybe I can just try and do some auditions for practice that are either at or far below my level, just to practice doing auditions. I think this is a great idea.
After all, I have, what, 2 years to do this project? Company auditions and ECC’s are an annual occurrence. They don’t stop. They roll around again the next year for every show. There is always another opportunity in this industry. That’s one of our saving graces as performers. There is always another job.
So I’m changing my tactic for now. I really do only want to go out for paying work, but right now I think I need to, not necessarily stay within my comfort zone (don’t any of you let me do that for too long!), but to go from no auditions to a Mark Morris audition in 0 to 60 IS a little outrageous. Then again, so is getting a dog.
So I’m gonna take some time to build my confidence with “lesser” auditions. Sometimes “done is better than good” and you need to push yourself to get out there. And sometimes, you need to take the time to train and perfect. Somehow, some way, I’m going to try to do that for myself.
I promise I’ll be on more regularly now. The calluses are getting tougher and so is the resolve.
Now, off to walk the pup!